I’m not dead, I’m alive and writing, for better or worse. Finished writing two articles up for Boomercharged, one apparently being quite controversial as well as badly written, so my usual standard then. I’ve got a few more articles lined up for Boomercharged as well. As for this blog I’ve got a few articles I’m working on, one being a short story nothing to do with games (just to mix things up a bit). Worthington is not dead either he’s still bringing love and peace to the wastes. I’m just thinking of a few ways to make those articles more interesting, funny and fresh. That’s all for now, expect to see some more posts later in the week.

Ghosts. I don’t like ghosts, I don’t like ones with broken necks, bleeding eyes, long arms, or disembodied heads. They can sod right off, the lot of them. This ghost bigotry comes courtesy from playing through the Fatal Frame series of games (or as it’s known here in Europe, Project Zero). It’s been such a long time that I’d almost forgotten that games could actually be scary, and I don’t think I’m the only one. Looking at the current market of horror games it appears that game developers have also forgotten how to make a good scary game. Resident Evil 5 seems to have given up with the scares and is shaping up to be a third person shoot fest with a buddy, it’s about a chainsaw and a chest high wall away from becoming Gears of War. Monolith forgot what Condemned was all about and instead produced a game about a superhero with shouty powers. Dead Space lacks any real atmosphere. And the less said about Alone in the Dark 5 the better (Fire bullets).

What happened to the games that made me hesitate to even play them (as I type this Fatal Frame sits at the end of my bed taunting me, daring me to play it), games that drew me so far into their own twisted world that I’d have to check the closet and creepy little dolls had to be expelled from the house before I slept, you know, just in case. It seems Survival horror is drawing it’s last breaths, as the market moves away from deep psychological horror drenched in tense atmosphere towards a more mainstream acceptance of action horror (surely that’s an oxymoron).

But you know who’s missing out the most? The kids.

The new generation of gamers may never know the dread of walking into a room full of dolls and instinctively shitting yourself on the spot, knowing what’s to come. They will never be filled with dread everytime a radio blares static, or thick fog covers the roads. Never tensing up when encountering an apparently empty room, and screaming like a child when something appears just out of your peripheral. Truly they are missing out . . . What? Don’t look at me like that, it’s a good thing to be scared out of your wits, builds character (and the transformation is complete, I have become my dad now to go into the garage to saw some wood).

Joking aside even though you may be shrieking like a baby and soiling yourself like an incontinent grandparent every step of the way through the game, you are loving every damned minute of it. It’s the adrenaline rush of being scared and overcoming that fear. It’s the sense of achievement to actually make progress in the game. It’s making it through a tense moment in Penumbra where you see a mutant’s shadow loom from around the corner and waiting for it to turn around, without going mad and trying to throw a clipboard at it screaming “just bugger off!” (play the game and then judge me). It’s the pure terror of finding out that your clever plan of running into the next room means nought to the ghosts in Fatal Frame as it glides through the wall and straight at you (well it seemed clever at the time OK).

Though like I’ve said maybe I’m giving too little credit to the new generation of gamers, maybe they won’t look at Silent Hill and say, “Ugh I won’t play that I can physically count the polygons.” Of course there will be a few of the new generation that will look back through the annuals of gaming history to find the beautiful scares of Clocktower, Silent Hill and Darkseed, but by and large it’s likely that many will only remember Silent Hill as a movie, Resident Evil as a third person shooter, and Alone in the Dark for having pretty fires and little else. Maybe I am being too overtly worried but it really does sadden me to think that a new wave of gamers may herald FEAR as the scariest game they’ve played. And that notion is more scary than most of the games I’ve mentioned.

They won’t know games that are just drenched in tense atmosphere. Games that don’t think more blood equals more horror but use it sparingly for more impact. The characters they play will be mute macho men that can defeat hordes of men and beasties that they are simply told to just identify with, rather than playing a character that you slowly learn is as flawed and weak as the rest of us through a multi-layered story slowly unraveling the mysteries of both the game and your character.

But there is still hope yet on the horizon, Fatal Frame 4 is to be released this year for the Wii (although I have my worries after playing Obscure 2, but I will trust Tecmo), and indie developers Frictional Games will continue their success of Penumbra with the work in progress title Unknown. Finally someone’s thinking of the children! Someone’s going to scare the living crap out of the children. That makes me happy.

Yes games have come a long way since the days of games composed of whiney static on tapes, and the main protagonist was composed of 4 pixels. We’ve come leaps and bounds since the games industry’s second revival in 1985, I still remember being mind boggled by the graphics of Desert Strike. Graphics have gone from two dimensional sprites in a world of tiled textures to a fully three dimensional rendered world of bloom and lighting effects. Audio has transcended from simple blips and beeps your computer made to dramatic music and delicious ambient background sounds. Stories have gone from saving the princess to epic tales that take multiple games to tell. And now even real world physics are being put into games, soon the games developers will need at least one physicist on the team.

While those have come many miles since their first incarnation, the A.I.’s progress seems to have all the progress of Sisyphus pushing his boulder up a mountain. Sure A.I. now is far superior than that of yesteryear but it’s progress doesn’t seem to be as important to game developers. Everytime a developer raves of their A.I. improvements it turns out to be little else than a more refined version of the marines from Half Life. Of course this is an unfair generalisation, but it still seems that the dream of facing off against A.I. that could actually challenge you (without cheating, i.e. catch up A.I., see mario kart and nearly every racing game) has been lost in favour of online play. Only RTS games seem to really get a clever A.I. (Galactic Civilization 2)while us dumb FPS gamers are stuck with A.I. that still sometimes run straight off cliffs or into fire. So I have devised a shopping list of things I would like to see used more in games.

Line of Sight

How many times have I played against an all knowing A.I. that seems to always know where I am, even if I booked myself a flight half way across the world they will still know and head straight there. How many times have I been playing around firing my shotgun and tossing grenades for yucks only to round the corner and see enemies completely oblivious to my noisy antics. I’ve seen far too many A.I. enemies all with x-ray vision and lack of hearing.

I would love to have the ability to actually lose my opponents, without having to specifically play a stealth game. I want to be able to be a coward and hide in a room only to hear the A.I. give chase and slowly check each room. To be able to take a high perch and pick off the enemy with a sniper rifle without them instantly knowing my exact position after the first shot. We had this A.I. back in the first Metal Gear Solid game, so why not implement it into other games.

Retreat!

I would love to see enemies that can actually fully retreat instead of getting part way and then charging right back at me. I can better explain this problem with a short story about playing Second Sight:

At the start of the game you must escape a laboratory, as soon as you exit your room a pair of guards that spot you. Now at this point you can use you telepathic powers to scare the guards. It was great fun to see the guards run away into the corner and go fetal, shivering in fear as I floated the bin above their head. But just as I was being impressed and immersing myself into this game the guard suddenly bolted upright and continued his assault on me. I picked up the bin again and he fled to the corner, but once again after a set time would completely forget the fact I can make things float and charge at me again. My immersion was lost.

OK so you may be saying, “but that’s an old game we’ve come along way since then,” but really have we? It may not as apparant any more but the A.I. will still fling themselves at us with no fear even after we’ve slaughtered their whole team before their eyes. What I would like to see is the A.I. say, “bugger this,” and retreat further into the level to meet up with their comrades, meaning a few more to fight in a later encounter. Or once you’ve decimated most of their co-workers they can make a fighting retreat into a spot they can secure more easily, to retreat to a place where they have the advantage. Or my personal favourite make the last survivor either go fetal, or run away never to be seen again.

Stalkers

This would be a great special enemy for a horror game, although it could be used for others. This enemy will be armed with nothing but a simple melee weapon, and unlike most enemies it won’t blindly attack you from the front. The Stalker would do as the title indicates,it will stalk you. The Stalker will follow you from the shadows and strike at the most opportune moment, the Stalker could follow you around for most of the map just waiting for the right moment.

If you see his shadow peaking from a corner and go to investigate the Stalker will hide. If you think your being followed you can plant a proximity mine down, if the Stalker doesn’t spot it then boom, but if it does then it will set it off from a safe distance, which will let you know you are being followed and delay the Stalker. This would be very difficult to get right but damn when done right it’d be a hell of an enemy.

Conclusion

Of course A.I. is circumstantial to the enemy being coded, none of the above would work for coding a zombie, but I generalised to the atypical marine enemies. I know a complaint may be, “oh but coding that kind of stuff would be a complete nightmare,” and I say yes, yes it probably would be but if a coder isn’t dreaming of one day coding such an intellegent A.I. then they are doing their job wrong. A.I. improvements seem to be more tiny refinements on the last A.I. made rather than trying something new and exciting, games actually will work around poor A.I. with set pieces and scripted moments. I know this has barely scratched the surface of clever A.I. but it should give you an idea of what could be if developers spent more time on A.I.

I’ve been playing a lot of Dwarf Fortress recently and things had been going well on my very first fortress. I couldn’t seem to attract new migrants but everything was ticking over rather nicely. So I decided to expand my base by digging underground eastwards with my head miner, Einstein. Unfortunately the river is also eastwards, Einstein had to run for his short rotund life when that water came. He made it to safety fortunately and I decided to pave over the lower stairs to help cover up this minor incident of losing the whole of my lower levels to flooding.

I enlisted all my mason’s to help and in no time it was done. It wasn’t too bad I didn’t have anything built down there yet and I could always make a well above it. Five minutes later a notice popped up to tell me one of my carpenter’s, Isaac Newton, had drowned. Yes in my haste I had forgot to check no one else was down there before bricking up my lower levels, and as a result Newton had drowned as the water slowly rose above his stubby head.

And how does the game decide interpret Einstein’s day? With two wonderful sentences:

Saw a friend die today. Saw a beautiful waterfall today.

Genius.

That’s the only way I can describe why Dwarf Fortress is such great fun and the reason I’ve sunk many hours of my life into it. It’s not that I can create a fortress of Dwarfs all named after the greatest thinkers of all time. It’s not the clever water physics that can be manipulated. It’s the sheer joy of when things go terribly, terribly wrong. Up until that point I had a functioning fortress that was doing well for itself, and I was becoming bored. After that point though it became hilarious fun of terrible tragedies.

Which is my main point, that managment games are more fun when something goes wrong. Sure it’s nice to have a money making rollercoaster park, but it’s hilarious when the rollercoaster goes off the rails with the park inspector on it. It’s dandy to have a Sim do well in life but it’s side splitting to have your Sim return home to find their baby on the lawn, their wife on fire and their roommate turned to charcoal, and only having the chance to save one of them.

When you look back on playing those games what sticks out in your head most? Chances are it’s going to be a horrific tragedy, a moment where it all went tits up. It’s all about the unexpected moments that come out of nowhere and you having to do crisis management to make sure you survive. Dwarf Fortress seems to be built solely on that basis even with the slogan, “Losing is fun,” because it is. It’s fun when a fire imp sets one of your cats on fire and it head straight into the wood stockpile.

If everything goes to plan then the game is boring and conversely if the game continually defeats you quickly it’s boring. Dwarf Fortress will throw many things at you but has retained that balance to allow you to rebuild and continue on, mainly so it can do it again but who cares when it’s so fun.

It’s not just management games that are fun when they go wrong just look at Left 4 Dead. That game has an AI director whose job is to grief you as much as possible, to toy around with you before finishing you off. Oh your nearly at the safe room are you? Well here’s a tank and I’ve placed a witch right at the safe room door, have fun. And it is, so much fun to die. Games are so much more fun when developers accept that those things are what make a fun game and actually incorporate it in gameplay.

This let’s play of Dwarf Fortress proves why failing so badly can be so much fun.

Oh and incase your wondering what happened to Einstein after the flooding, the fortress got a lot new migrants right after (my guess they wanted to see the fortress that flooded itself, like a freakshow attraction) so he became the new sheriff. He later had to take down Darwin after he went beserk in the funiture stock pile.

A quick note about the temple of trials Worthington just completed. The trials are used as a tutorial to ease players into the gameplay, while providing enough experience to advance a level. In short an brief and easy introduction to the game, nothing to write home about. Worthington meanwhile was thwarted at every turn, frustrated to the point of pure rage, reborn countless times, fooled by simple traps, and outsmarted by killer giant radioactive ants. He also failed to gain a new level. This does not bode well as our hero Worthington now starts the real quest.

But Worthington did gain some sweet new threads! No more primitive loin cloths for Worthington, oh no only the best threads will do now. I mean check him out ladies!

These threads make him look like a true superhero. Captain 13! Wherever there is conflict, Captain 13 will be there with complimentary gift baskets and hot coca. Wherever there is a person in need, Captain 13 will be there to help in whatever way he can, as long as it doesn’t conflict with his personal beliefs, and if he’s got the time, or money. Captain 13 bringing peaceful solutions to your doorstep whether you like it or no- Aw geeze. Oh sweet monkey jebus, that’s just plain wrong.

Eww. Oh, oh lordy I can see it when I close my eyes! Bump mapping was never meant for this! Argh the front is even worse! Oh good Buddha don’t run! This new outfit does not leave anything to the imagination, every crevice is wrapped and amplified. I’ve seen it, now I can’t unsee it. Urgh come back loin cloths all is forgiven, you at least covered the delicates. All I can hope is that enemies are too disgusted to fight me in this abomination of clothing. New point of order; find new, less revealing, clothing as soon as possible.

Ugh after much eye washing I return to the task at hand, locating the GECK. I find out that the best place to start is to talk to a trader by the name of Vic, who resides in a turn of the name Klamath. Before I set off to Klamath I do some odd jobs to help build my experience, finding a lost dog and fixing the well. All in a days work for a man wearing a unitard. Before I know it I’ve completed the only nonviolent quests available, so I set off to Klamath.

It may look like a short journey but between here and there lie many hidden dangers, that greater men and women have fallen prey to. Every journey into the wastes is a deadly one, and never to be taken lightly. Round every rock could lie an ambush by many things, be it radioactive mutated wildlife or bloodthirsty raiders. Yes, everytime you wander the wastes you are gambling with your very life, you are playing dice with the devil. Monopoly with Death incarnate. Marbles with the horsemen. Scrabble with the-

Oh I made it. I mean, of course I made it. Such a trek is nothing for the mighty Worthington, bringer of peace. Now let’s head inside it’s cold and I can hear wolves.

I arrive in Klamath to the applause of a lone Brahmin, perhaps a fan of the unitard. Unlike the local kids that mock me (“You smell”) and run away from me (“Don’t eat me!”). What do parents teach their kids nowadays? Complete intolerance of other people? I mean I’m just a grown man trying to talk to some kids in a tightly fitting unitard, how is that wrong? But no time to despair our cultural mistrust in strangers now, I have to find Vic the trader’s house.

I do believe I have discovered it’s location. As you can see even though the kids screamed bloody murder when I arrived I seem to have attracted a little stalker following me. It’s kind of cute really. I enter Vic’s cabin to find it abandoned, not a soul to in sight. I begin searching for any clues I could find, when suddenly a door bursts open and a kid leaps out. “What’s your favourite colour?” he blurts and then runs outside giggling. OK that was odd, but it’s alright it’s just kids being kids I guess. I continue searching Vic’s place.

Now usually when playing this game I would be looting everything I could get my grubby little mitts on, but I can’t do that with Worthington. No he’s a puritanical hero, so stealing is a big no-no. I sigh each time I open a desk to find a haul of goodies I’m unable to touch. I find Vic’s radio and decide to take it in the hopes that it will somehow lead me Vic. It’s not stealing, I’m just borrowing it until I find Vic, and then I can hand it over in person. I find no clues to Vic’s whereabouts, so I leave to grill the locals on Vic’s current location.

The number of my little followers have increased, along with the rate of their questions. I should of called this post, Worthington: Takes care of the kids. It’s still kind of cute but I have things to attend to, first of all checking out the local bar for some info on the trader that is known as Vic.

As I get there I miniature bouncer blocks my way, asking the most unusual questions for a bouncer. Have I seen his invisible friend? Is that a trick question? If I say yes will he believe I’ve already had too much to drink and send me away. Then again if I say no maybe he will be offended and- oh, oh wait it’s just another one of those kids. Ha ha, yes very funny kid now I really must get inside. He does not yield and only asks more questions, he clearly has no intention of moving. This is going to take all of Worthington’s cunning. I pretend to turn and walk away, even whistling a tune nonchalantly. The kid faced with losing me runs to get infront. Aha! As I guessed he would do. I do a quick turn and dash inside the bar. Can’t outsmart me little one, not today. I punch the air a few times to celebrate my victory over the small child. Now what can I learn here?

Nothing apparently. No one seems to know anything. I head to the next place and once again gain no new knowledge about Vic the one that trades, but I do meet an intriguing shirtless fellow.

This is Sulik, he is what I would call a spiritualist and also a fellow tribesman. From him I learn of two new locations I can visit, and also he weaves me a tale of woe, through his poor broken grammar. He is searching for his sister who was captured by slavers, but due to a night of alcoholic rage he’s stuck in Klamath until he repays his debt. Now Worthington cannot sit back and let this poor man slave here while goodness knows what is happening to his sister, it’s time to take action. It’s time to ask nicely if he could be set free. Even with my high intellect and strangely high charisma I cannot seem to convince Maida Buckner, Sulik’s bigoted keeper, to let Sulik go free. It seems the only way is to repay Sulik’s debt. A debt of 350 bottle caps. Ah that may a bit of a problem, if you care to look to the left of the above screenshot you can see my current balance. I’m going to need to find 198 more bottle caps to free Sulik here.

I sell all I can, including the spear I was given at the start, but still come up woefully short of the 350 bottle caps required. I start inquiring into any tasks but everything I find seems to include me having to kill some, admittedly deadly but nonetheless innocent creatures. I’m going to have to come up with the money another way. I wander around town trying to find a solution, when I stumble across an abandoned hut full of dead animal corpses. Now I know I said I wouldn’t have Worthington steal but it’s obvious that the current occupants are either dead or long gone. Now it’s not stealing if it doesn’t belong to anyone, plus it’s for a good cause, to free Sulik. OK it seems like he’ll kill the people who took his sister, but it’s still a noble endeavour if my motives are pure. Right?

I just about manage to earn enough to buy Sulik’s freedom from the items I, um, scavenged. I immediately rush back and repay Sulik’s debt much to the dismay of his bigoted keeper. Sulik! As of now you are a free man! Now go forth and rescue your sister! Um . . Sulik?

Sulik you can move you know.

I don’t think he’s going to move. It seems all that noble talk of saving his sister comes second to standing in the corner of a bar staring at the wall. . .

Right you know what? I’ve had enough of Klamath. This whole trip has been a complete bust, I’ve found no clues to Vic’s whereabouts and I am now completely bankrupt. I’m going to move on to the next destination, maybe the Den has more use of a peaceful Buddhist superhero than Klamath does. Tune in next time for more Worthington actionless adventures.

Worthington the pacifist Buddhist of Arroyo has been chosen by the tribal elder to undergo a quest to save the village crops from drought. This requires him to search every inch of the western wastelands to find the magical briefcase GECK that will turn harsh dry rock into fresh fertile plains of green and thus save the village. Frankly it doesn’t matter, this is Worthington’s time to shine! Finally he can prove that violence isn’t always the answer, that peace and love can conquer anything in this post-apocalyptic present. He’ll transform this hectic wasteland into a true utopia or reach nirvana trying, but first he’s got to pass the temple of trials. Can’t be that hard, can it?

Strange that I’d never noticed this giant creepy looking temple before, curse my visual impairment. Alright, remember Worthington positive thinking wields positive results, look it’s not that scary the giant face above the dark foreboding entrance is sort of smiling. This is a test so inside will be a lot of Krypton Factor-esque challenges, that’s not so bad. I mean they wouldn’t put me in any sort of real danger would they, that would be something an isolated tribe in a harsh wasteland would . . do . . . damn. Well I should be fine if I’m just extra careful of traps . . . unless . . .

. . . unless they filled the place full of giant radioactive killer ants. Right the first challenge it to get past these two and through that door. They probably want me to kill them, but I am a man of peace! No matter what it is I shall not kill any living thing, even if it does want to eat my face. Unfortunately my pleas of peace and love fall on deaf ears and they kill Worthington. I reload, this time perhaps if I mimic their clicky language. Worthington ends up on the floor missing a leg desperately clicking at them for peace. OK no more Mr. Nice guy! If I cannot reason with these beasts then I’m going to have to resort to Plan: ’sneak past them and hope to Buddha that they don’t notice me’.

Surprisingly I get past them relatively easily, hah in your face warmongering tribesmen, violence isn’t the only answer. I continue on to the door leading to the next section. Locked. This is no problem for Worthington and he defly picks the lock and strides through, part on of the trials done. This isn’t so bad, my positive thinking is being rewarded already.

I find an empty room with a corridor on the opposite side. I’ve gone too long without encountering something with the ability to kill me, that’s not like my tribe at all. I take a few steps and narrowly avoid a projectile to the head. Hm it seems that this room has certain raised plates that will set off an arrow. Pah! These are the so called ‘deadly’ traps? Anyone can avoid them just by merely using basic perception skills.

Oh. Oh bum. I curse my visual impairment once again. Right time for Plan: ‘run past and hope I don’t get hit’. This plan is a rousing success, I blindly run through the room avoiding all traps, I truly have the luck of Buddha on my side. I stride off down the corridor only to be struck by a trap. OK message received Buddha I got over confident, won’t happen again I promise.

Ah more killer giant radioactive ants once again block my way. If I can sneak past your brethren then I can sneak past you. I wait and wait for them to move just far enough away so I can sneak past, but they refuse me passage and even start forcing me backwards. I actually end up being circled by the damned things and trapped, just to clarify that for you dear reader, I was just outsmarted by an ant. Needless to say I was not pleased, I reload.

I wait, I die. I wait, I die. I wait, I die. I die, I die, I die! You know what screw ants. Screw their scuttling and their clicking. Screw their walking back and forth over the same spot. Screw their ability to lift heavy things. Why should I even bother trying to save these beasts, they are impending future peace. They are halting salvation, and for that they shall taste the fist blessed by Buddha!

Obviously in my pure rage against these things I forgot my stats, the stats that state that I can punch no harder than a gentle breeze. I die, and I die pathetically flailing my thin limbs in the air. I officially hate these ants, more than the tax man, I loathe them. I actually had to indulge in my relaxation technique, having a cup of tea while watching Poirot (his twiddly mustache eases my mind). I return to the computer a new more peaceful man, and actually manage to sneak past the ants and make it to the door, which won’t open. It’s at this moment I remember that to open this door I need a bomb. That bomb is in a pot. That pot is right by the ants. I groan.

I devised a new cunning plan, everytime I get luck enough to actually obtain the bomb I’m noticed, so I decided to use my combat turns to run for the exit. Unbelievably my plan actually works, I get to the door set the timer and make a run for it, I’m actually giddy with excitement. See you later suckers! I’m going on to bigger and better things. At which point Worthington explodes, apparently explosives aren’t my forte and it triggered prematurely,  I swear I can hear the ants chuckle. I would have a screenshot of that moment, but I was in complete shellshock as it happened. I tried again but continually got mobbed by the ants and never made it back to the door.

After 20 minutes of pure frustration I finally manage to sneak my way back and obtain the bomb. Now all I have to do is

carefully and quietly

explode the door without drawing attention.

Success! I stride through the door with my head held high, and immediately find an arrow protruding from my neck. Yes sorry Buddha message received, pride is bad, you can stop lobbing arrows at me now please. I limp on to the next section.

You know what I haven’t seen enough of? Giant killer radioactive ants, the kind that block the only exit. Oh look I’m in luck, there are two ants here guarding this door. Luckily I manage to easily sneak my way past, with all these sneaking I’m becoming a real ninja, only shirtless. And instead of dealing out hot death, I deal out hot baked cupcakes. The shirtless ninja of love.

Ah I doubt he’s here to test my baking skills on this open fire. No matter I, the shirtless ninja, shall sneak past him. To a mere mortal like him it will be like I was never here.

Ah hello there, um, wasn’t trying to sneak past you or anything. Ha ha where would you get a crazy idea like that? I was just inspecting this um wierd sculpture here, it’s an interesting piece of mordern art wouldn’t you agree. Oh you want to test my strength? Um not today thanks, I uh pulled a muscle back there and <cough> all this dust is playing havoc with my lungs. Any chance of a peaceful solution?

Amazingly enough he agrees with me and lets me pass without fighting. He bids me goodbye and runs off down the hall, where all those killer ants I failed to kill still are. I decide to leave through the door sharpish. With that the trials are done, Worthington has proved himself worthy enough to obtain a blue jumpsuit.

Worthington can now actually begin his quest. Tune in next time for Worthington: The long road to Klamath.

I really enjoyed writing A Frank Mission, it was easy to write and I had fun doing it. Unlike other articles I write I didn’t spend ages musing over what to write and how to write it, everything just flowed nicely. Plus I got to play games and help update my blog at the same time. Since then I’ve wanted to write a game diary as a series and have been deliberating with myself on what to game to do it on, and after much back and forth with myself (he would never agree with me) a decision has been reached. I shall chronicle a long epic of adventures in Fallout 2. What’s that you say? Why would that be interesting? Well what if I was to say that during my play through I wouldn’t be allowed to kill, at all. Like nothing, not even a fly. Yeah, that’s right I’m roleplaying Ghandi, meditate on that bitches.

Why? Just Why?

I’ve always heard people say that one of the great thing about the original Fallout games was that they could be completed without having to kill anything. I never really believed this, sure it gave you more opportunities to solve things peacefully but playing the entire game without killing must be impossible, surely. Well I’m going to see if this is true or pile of brahmin excrement.

This is going to be a very tall order for me to complete, for many reasons. Apart from the obvious ones is the fact I have always resorted to violence in any RPG, in my defence I have two valid reasons; one it’s easier, and two it’s just plain fun (yes I always took the ‘Bloody Mess‘ perk). I’ve never roleplayed a character of peace, well not for very long anyway, so quelling my natural instincts to ‘bash their heads in’ is going to be my first, and very likely constant challenge. The other obstacle is, and don’t judge me, I’ve never actually completed Fallout 2. I said don’t judge! I love the Fallout games (no not Tactics), it’s by far one of my favourite games, but everytime I try to complete it my mind wanders and I forget all about it. I’ve gotten very far into the game but after a certain point I’m going to be flying blind.

So I’m a violent player that hasn’t even completed the game once, and I’m going to try and do it now without killing anything. This is going to go great.

Ground Rules

Right I just want to quickly lay down what I can and can’t do;

• I can reload from saves (as I will be dying, a lot)
• I’m not allowed any followers (unless I run into a pacifist Buddhist monk)
• I can’t steal (I can loot already dead bodies, but no stealing from still alive folks)
• I can’t take on morally apprehensible quests (i.e. knowingly help a bad guy)

Hm I think that’s it, oh wait I thought of one last rule

• No killing, ever, for whatever reason.
• Seriously no killing anything
• No I mean it don’t even glare menacingly at a gnat
• And don’t even think about playing ‘tip the brahmin’

I have a strange feeling that last one’s going to be a bit difficult, and cause me endless pain. Now I introduce for your reading pleasure the pacifistic hero of our tale . . .

Worthington

Worthington is a direct descendant of the idolised Vault Dweller, born and raised in Arroyo to do great things. Problem is that at the age of 16 Worthington found an old magazine of “Being Buddhist” including features like “I was once reborn a cracker, Actor Richard Gere reveals all”, “10 ways to achieve Nirvana”, “The essential diet to get a figure like Siddhartha”, and “Your favourite Enlightened Ones sexy pull out calender”. Since then he has devoted himself to Buddhism, higher enlightenment, and pacifism.

As you can see this has made Worthington as strong and durable as an asthma suffering fruit fly with a particularly bad cold. On the plus side he is very cunning and quite the charmer, so should be able to talk his way out of anything. He is also blessed by the Buddha giving him superb luck, which is handy since he’s going to need as much as he can get. He’s also quite agile, from all his practice of running away from anything slightly threatening. Although due to his fondness of hiding in dark places, and the fact Trog poked him in the eye when he was 10, his eyesight is terrible.

I’ve TAG’d Sneak, Speech, and Outdoorsman, this is my holy trinity that shall hopefully keep me very much alive. I’ve gone for the Good Natured perk, for obvious reasons, and Jinxed; “The good thing is that everyone around you has more critical failures in combat, the bad thing is so do you!”. Well that’s fine with me since I’m not planning on doing any fighting.

Well now you know the rules of the game and been introduced to the hero. Worthinton will return for his first adventure; Worthington and the trials of my patience.

So until then stay peaceful wasteland wanderers.

February is quickly approaching and with it the release of Monolith’s favourite linear spooky slo-mo on-the-rails shooter, F.E.A.R 2: Project Origin. Yes it’s time to encounter some more ghostly apparitions with a shotgun to the face. Since I could recall fond memories of the original, I decided to get my, lately very, idle hands on the newly released demo on Steam.

The demo is split into three parts, making it easier for me to review; ooh spooky, gun fights, and inexplicably a mech fight. I’m guessing this is a simple cut and paste of many sections of the full game to give players a taste of what to expect, although it comes across quite jarringly, leaping from one section to another. But to be honest I always found the original FEAR to be simplistically cut into sections, a gun fight here, a spooky corridor there, followed by some more gun fights. Monolith never really got the hang of seamlessly combining all their elements smoothly, and the new demo doesn’t help with it jumping from one section to another suddenly.

Ooh Spooky

In the original you knew a spooky moment was coming up as the film grain filter would turn on, the screen desaturated a bit and the soundtrack switches to horror. The new demo still suffers from knowing when things would turn creepy but it seems a bit more seamless this time around. The horror section takes part in an abandoned school at night, and still takes it’s cue from Japanese horror, relying more on creating an atmosphere than shock horror. That said it still has some very visceral horror, coating everything in blood and sticking still writhing bodies to the ceilings. The only problem I had with the creepy moments is that I could easily miss them. There I’d be looking at the details in the game when I’ll hear a screech, turn around and find I’ve missed Alma being scary again. I mean the only way Alma could get my attention in the demo was to literally grab me by the throat and shake me, probably wanting to shout, “Pay attention you moron! I’m doing something creepy! Stop marvelling at the children’s drawings and fear me!”. Although after I found myself going the wrong way, again, that the ghostly apparitions I’d seen glimpses of reappeared to make sure I’d actually seen them, so top marks on catering to my short attention span and general stupidity.

Gun Fights

The AI in the original is one of the things that made it shine out more than a generic shooter, with the enemies constantly changing tactics and trying to out flank you, making each fight a unique experience. So I was ready to have a heavy fight on my hands this time around, but was sadly disappointed by the demo not showing off it’s AI capabilities to it’s full. Sure they still dived around for cover, tried to flank me, and now are able to create cover by tipping tables over, but even pushing the difficulty up to the max they still didn’t challenge me like they did in the original. I’m sure the AI is still as ruthless and cunning, if not more-so, but the level design of the demo didn’t demonstrate it, one can only hope that the full game does it better. The melee attack has been toned down, and in fact I didn’t even bother setting a button for it. The default key configuration is odd now I mention it, ctrl is slo-mo not crouch, and to aim you have to hit shift not the right mouse button, not a big deal but even after a bit of a tinker it still felt a bit clunky (and I still didn’t have a button for kung-fu).

Mech suit

This is the oddest and potentially the worst part about FEAR 2. In the demo it just suddenly appears around a corner with no notice, and your then blasting little men and mechs. Now I had some fun with it, but it still doesn’t feel right in the FEAR world of ghosts and ghouls. It’s potentially a signal that this game is going to lose it especially if you compare it to Monolith’s other sequel game; Condemned 2. Where all the psychological horror and mystery was dropped for a shouty power. Original FEAR didn’t have the best story plot or characters in a game, but because of it’s suspenseful atmosphere and creepy shenanigans it made an enjoyable horror with some first class shoot-outs. But if they follow the same route as Condemned 2 they could throw away everything that made the original good halfway through the game and replace it with pure dredge, where the only horror comes from the script. One can only hope that the mech suit is used later in the game to show even with it you can’t compare to the power of Alma.

So . . what do you think?

The demo shows off some great horror sections in bland and slightly confusing level design, doesn’t fully utilise the AI, the controls feel a bit clunky, and has a completely arbitrary mech section. It doesn’t sound good does it, but by the end of the demo I still felt like playing more, which is the point of the demo and is the mystery of FEAR. No matter it’s faults it blends in some great components to make an above average first person shooter. In a world of games that are all trying to create gamer choice and open worlds, it’s refreshing to see an old school linear first person shooter, that just works and is enjoyable. While it may not push the envelope of gaming much since it’s original, it still produces an enjoyable experience. Let’s hope the full game is as fun, eh?

The worst thing about working freelance is the constant attention you get from HM Revenue & Customs, i.e. the tax man, i.e. bane of everyones existence. Just over the last few days I’ve received 4 letters from them, I dread opening just one of their letters and now I get that experience quadrupled, joy. The first wasn’t a big deal just a request for national insurance payments, they come every now and again and only are around £30, so no great pain in my arse just yet. The next one was heavy with contents, which is never a good thing when they send you that much in one envelope, and of course it didn’t disappoint to create and aching anus pain and crush my spirit harder than a Yorkshire terrier being humped by a sex starved hippo given a dose of adrenaline and Viagra.

I shake the contents onto my bed and find 3 pages and a leaflet titled “How to pay”, so you know this is going to be good, and by good I of course mean it’s going to deplete any remaining feelings of trust and compassion I had for the human race. My eye gravitates towards the one with numbers and figures, I skim read to the bottom and find my total tax due is £324.32. It was supposed to be £1,258.78 but they over charged my tax so I get a lucky break (feel the sarcasm, feel it burn). There’s no date to pay on it so I have to find it nestled in another letter, which is the tax man’s favourite game giving you all the details hidden within many pages, lord forbid that it could all be in one place. They’re like NPC’s in a RPG handing you quests that make you walk all over the game to complete, giving you their life story when all you need to know is that they want 10 boars killed.

I instantly ignore the one titled “How we worked out such-and-such”, it’s not like I’m going to understand any of their jargon and find out I don’t have to pay. I read the last page which is a very personnel letter, instead of using words like “we want” it’s “I want” making it feel like someone at the tax office is talking to me on a one-to-one basis, it even ends saying I can call them for any help I may need. Now that would be reassuring except that they don’t give me a name, hell they don’t even end with a goodbye the blocks of text just end. Are they shy? Do I need to do a quest do learn your name? They are desperately trying to not become a faceless company but their attempt only points out how cold, impersonal and faceless they really are. “I enclose my tax calculations based on the amounts shown in your Tax Return,” that’s nice so you’ve gone through my tax forms and done the calculations but I’m not allowed to know who you are, isn’t that the kind of gloating the criminal would do in a cat-and-mouse crime movie, “Aha detective I know your first crush was on Lucy and to impress her you tried to climb the monkey bars but fell off into dog poo, and you where nicknamed poo pants from then on. I know you detective but do you know anything about me? Aha ha ha”. Only in this case it’s a boring criminal, “Aha Idlehands I know you misplaced a decimal point on your tax return and you’ll never know who I am, aha ha ha!”. Perhaps they know if I knew their name I would hunt them down and imprison them in a cage of sweaty fat men and force them to clean their balls with their tongue, while the magic roundabout theme plays on repeat in the background.

I find out that I have to pay them by the end of next week, oh that gives me plenty of time to find the money here let me magic 300 pounds from my arse, it’s my party trick. Want to know the best part of it all though, of course you do, it’s that the figure they’ve given me is only an estimate and may not be correct. What the bleeding hell, that’s like you asking a room mate if they want anything down the shops, only for them to reply “Yes but I’m not sure what I want, I think I need milk and cheese but I’m not sure. Based on that please buy me what I need, if you get it wrong I’ll be very upset with you. By the way here’s your deadline for when I need the stuff I think I need.” So you return with milk and cheese only to hear them complain, “Oh but I needed fromage frais as well, I’m disappointed with you. Now you must go down the shops and buy me two fromage frais to make up for your failure to correctly guess what I needed,” oh and by the way your room mate has no face and likes to read your mail and tell you about it.

My only saving grace has been that the last letter from them was a note saying they’ve repaid me all the money the accidentally took the year before, which is enough to pay off the tax from this year. I’d be more forgiving towards the tax office if they just did away with their jargon and red tape, and just talked to us like normal humans rather than expecting us to be perfect accountants that save money away just incase. If they could do that then I wouldn’t day dream of torturing them like in Saw (“I want to play a game faceless tax office employee, all your life you’ve revelled in fining people for being a millisecond late, demand large repayments on a weeks notice and making people fill out forms for everything THAT ARE FULL OF JARGON! Ahem sorry. Well now it’s time for you to fill in a form, a form to prove your existence is worthwhile. You will have 10 minutes to complete the form, if it is not posted to me in time then the flaming ravenous weasels will be released upon your jam covered crotch. Your time started at the beginning of this speech”). No if they could manage that then I’d be more forgiving and just knee them in the jubblies.

Phew, after that long piece I’m all worded out I is. So I’m going to be incredibly lazy and post up some select pieces of someone else’s blog I’ve been reading of late, although his updates are far and few between lately (the last post was back in Oct of 2007). On the outlook he appears to be a boring physics teacher, which isn’t far from the truth, but don’t be fooled by his simple appearance he has led a full and fascinating life and this blog is a keen insight into his world. I’ll post some of his early stuff, which in my opinion is some of his best. So without further ado I give you Dr. Kleiner!

Moved in

Good grief that took a lot of effort but I’m finally settled into my new abode, we managed to secure a piece of prime real estate situated right under the combines nose in the shadow of that monolithic citadel of city 17. Oh dear I should really introduce myself first, my name is Dr Isaac Kleiner and I’m the leading particle physics scientist currently working for the resistance. I’m presently engaged in researching a new kind of teleportation technology that shall make the combines current technology look neanderthal in comparison. I was working on this at Black Mesa East but recently Dr Eli Vance decided it may be best that I be moved into city 17 to help citizens escape with my research, which I must say is a smart decision. Although some people have been spreading an absurd rumour that it may be due to my ‘cavalier’ attitude towards my assistants, which is preposterous really. I never forced any of them into the teleporter, the straps were merely for there own protection, and the results from those incidents have furthered the whole of mankind’s research into dwarfing combine technology. All scientific breakthroughs require a bit of a sacrifice, even if it is a bit messy.

Anyway I fear I have gotten ahead of myself here, I apologise. My new abode is also home to one Barney Calhoun, who I was briefly acquainted with when he worked as a security guard back in Black Mesa. He is what I suppose you would call our ‘inside man’, he works with the Civil Protection to give the resistance the intel we need to stay ahead of the combine forces. I am now most reliant on him as I cannot move freely, seeing as Breen (I refuse to acknowledge his title of Doctor) would love nothing more than to have me locked away to be monologued to death by his incessant rambling. The result is that I am stuck in this little place with no human contact for the better part of the day, which is why I decided to write a journal to retain my sanity as I work. Right I’m afraid there is no rest for the wicked I most carry on my experiments.

Cabin Fever

Ah yes I must apologise for my rather sparse updating of this site, of late I have thrown myself completely into my work, with superb results I must say. Though even with my wonderful advances in teleportation technology Barney still refuses to let me assist citizens by teleporting them out of the city, he believes smuggling them onto trains is far more reliable. I have put forward my theory that there is an inherent problem of citizens being caught on the train, which is a case of 0% or 100% success rate while my machine currently has a constant 60% success rate, therefore we could constantly safely transport 6 individuals for every ten. Barney however still does not approve of this. Speaking of Barney recently we’ve been having more disagreements than usual. Barney puts this down to a simple case of cabin fever, which is easy for him to say as he has the luxury of vacating this place anytime he feels like it. Though I guess I mustn’t be too unfair on him it must be hard to lead a double life. I do hope we can settle things like adults before our friendship becomes too strained.

Felis Catus

A short haired tabby pixie-bob cat to be precise. Barney decided to obtain a feline counterpart for me to make up for his outburst the other day, and while I truly do appreciate the effort, he does not realise how much of a hindrance the thing causes with it’s constant meowing and need for attention. Not to mention the places I find it’s hair (inside my sonic resonator!). Just the other day that creature knocked over my only Xen sample into my cup-a-soup, now croutons are interfering with my readings, honestly Barney just has no empathy for other people. On a slightly more positive note my research has been going swimmingly, so much so that there is very little theory left that can be done. Experimentation is next on the agenda to perfect my device, yet Barney still refuses to let me help the citizens. He does not realise that sooner or later I must know what happens to a biological entity otherwise my research will be fruitless. I have no idea how Barney expects me to work if I cannot perform experiments and my concentration is constantly broken by that accursed mewing, as a scientist I will have to overcome these obstacles myself with some lateral thinking.

Dinner Party

Alyx decided to visit for supper which was delightful. . . well it would of been a delightful meal and a wonderful time reminisce the old days, but Barney hasn’t ceased his petty silent treatment over the ‘cat incident’. So we had our soup in awkward silence and palpable tension, only occasionally broken by Barney’s incessant slurping, needless to say that it was a short visit. Barney is purposely trying to provoke me now, acting like a sulking kid and overreacting to every little thing (honestly you can barely smell the burned hair anymore). He has made staying here utterly untenable with his shameless silence trying to condemn me into guilt for what? Trying to improve the human race? Ensuring the victory of the resistance? Surely he must understand that a few eggs have to be broken to advance the human race, honestly. I shall take the moral high road and stay the course until my research is complete, for I am a true scientist. On the plus side I have gotten some interesting readings from the teleporter, still requires a little bit of fine tuning and cleaning though.

A Scientific Change Of Pace

The days have blurred of recent; review figures, tweak machines, test, put out flames, review figures, retweak machines et cetera. Then the other day my insipid stupor of daily life was interupted by a large crash, not of my own making. Upon examination I found a Headcrab had found it’s way into my lab. I was quite impressed with my ability to keep a level head and bravery as I knocked the creature out with only a few wild swings of a broom. As I was going to dispose of the little thing my scientist instincts kicked in and I knew what I must do right then. I would be the first person to neuter a headcrab! For the my sworn oath as a scientist of mankind I would ‘debeak’ this parasitoid, and make him as harmless as any household pet! And by George I went and did it.

Lamarr

That is the name of my new little counterpart, the debeaked headcrab I mentioned earlier. I have grown attached to her, even if she can no longer get attached to me (ho ho you see what I did there). Having the little ex-parasitoid around has made my days brighter, even though she may be a little scamp now and again, like trying to couple fruitlessly with my head (which feels like a relaxing head massage, I do swear that I’ve been having less migraines since Lamarr arrived) or hiding away in the vents. I was worried I would have nothing to feed her but my fears were allayed when she leapt onto a watermelon and began to devour it, what a delightful surprise that headcrabs are actually omnivores rather than  carnivores as we initially presumed. Well it wasn’t such a delightful surprise for Barney, the owner of said watermelon. Barney I must say has recently been a good sport about Lamarr, of course after the misunderstanding after he first arrived home to find her, and while I can tell he still dislikes Lamarr (he still nicknames her ‘head-humper’) he seems to have accepted her and has gone back to being himself around me. I like to joke we are a real little family now, but truly things seem to going well and things seem peaceful, for city 17. Hopefully it will remain like this for a little bit longer, at least until I can perfect my teleportation machine.