23
Jan
09

Diary of an underrated man

Phew, after that long piece I’m all worded out I is. So I’m going to be incredibly lazy and post up some select pieces of someone else’s blog I’ve been reading of late, although his updates are far and few between lately (the last post was back in Oct of 2007). On the outlook he appears to be a boring physics teacher, which isn’t far from the truth, but don’t be fooled by his simple appearance he has led a full and fascinating life and this blog is a keen insight into his world. I’ll post some of his early stuff, which in my opinion is some of his best. So without further ado I give you Dr. Kleiner!

Moved in

Good grief that took a lot of effort but I’m finally settled into my new abode, we managed to secure a piece of prime real estate situated right under the combines nose in the shadow of that monolithic citadel of city 17. Oh dear I should really introduce myself first, my name is Dr Isaac Kleiner and I’m the leading particle physics scientist currently working for the resistance. I’m presently engaged in researching a new kind of teleportation technology that shall make the combines current technology look neanderthal in comparison. I was working on this at Black Mesa East but recently Dr Eli Vance decided it may be best that I be moved into city 17 to help citizens escape with my research, which I must say is a smart decision. Although some people have been spreading an absurd rumour that it may be due to my ‘cavalier’ attitude towards my assistants, which is preposterous really. I never forced any of them into the teleporter, the straps were merely for there own protection, and the results from those incidents have furthered the whole of mankind’s research into dwarfing combine technology. All scientific breakthroughs require a bit of a sacrifice, even if it is a bit messy.

Anyway I fear I have gotten ahead of myself here, I apologise. My new abode is also home to one Barney Calhoun, who I was briefly acquainted with when he worked as a security guard back in Black Mesa. He is what I suppose you would call our ‘inside man’, he works with the Civil Protection to give the resistance the intel we need to stay ahead of the combine forces. I am now most reliant on him as I cannot move freely, seeing as Breen (I refuse to acknowledge his title of Doctor) would love nothing more than to have me locked away to be monologued to death by his incessant rambling. The result is that I am stuck in this little place with no human contact for the better part of the day, which is why I decided to write a journal to retain my sanity as I work. Right I’m afraid there is no rest for the wicked I most carry on my experiments.

Cabin Fever

Ah yes I must apologise for my rather sparse updating of this site, of late I have thrown myself completely into my work, with superb results I must say. Though even with my wonderful advances in teleportation technology Barney still refuses to let me assist citizens by teleporting them out of the city, he believes smuggling them onto trains is far more reliable. I have put forward my theory that there is an inherent problem of citizens being caught on the train, which is a case of 0% or 100% success rate while my machine currently has a constant 60% success rate, therefore we could constantly safely transport 6 individuals for every ten. Barney however still does not approve of this. Speaking of Barney recently we’ve been having more disagreements than usual. Barney puts this down to a simple case of cabin fever, which is easy for him to say as he has the luxury of vacating this place anytime he feels like it. Though I guess I mustn’t be too unfair on him it must be hard to lead a double life. I do hope we can settle things like adults before our friendship becomes too strained.

Felis Catus

A short haired tabby pixie-bob cat to be precise. Barney decided to obtain a feline counterpart for me to make up for his outburst the other day, and while I truly do appreciate the effort, he does not realise how much of a hindrance the thing causes with it’s constant meowing and need for attention. Not to mention the places I find it’s hair (inside my sonic resonator!). Just the other day that creature knocked over my only Xen sample into my cup-a-soup, now croutons are interfering with my readings, honestly Barney just has no empathy for other people. On a slightly more positive note my research has been going swimmingly, so much so that there is very little theory left that can be done. Experimentation is next on the agenda to perfect my device, yet Barney still refuses to let me help the citizens. He does not realise that sooner or later I must know what happens to a biological entity otherwise my research will be fruitless. I have no idea how Barney expects me to work if I cannot perform experiments and my concentration is constantly broken by that accursed mewing, as a scientist I will have to overcome these obstacles myself with some lateral thinking.

Dinner Party

Alyx decided to visit for supper which was delightful. . . well it would of been a delightful meal and a wonderful time reminisce the old days, but Barney hasn’t ceased his petty silent treatment over the ‘cat incident’. So we had our soup in awkward silence and palpable tension, only occasionally broken by Barney’s incessant slurping, needless to say that it was a short visit. Barney is purposely trying to provoke me now, acting like a sulking kid and overreacting to every little thing (honestly you can barely smell the burned hair anymore). He has made staying here utterly untenable with his shameless silence trying to condemn me into guilt for what? Trying to improve the human race? Ensuring the victory of the resistance? Surely he must understand that a few eggs have to be broken to advance the human race, honestly. I shall take the moral high road and stay the course until my research is complete, for I am a true scientist. On the plus side I have gotten some interesting readings from the teleporter, still requires a little bit of fine tuning and cleaning though.

A Scientific Change Of Pace

The days have blurred of recent; review figures, tweak machines, test, put out flames, review figures, retweak machines et cetera. Then the other day my insipid stupor of daily life was interupted by a large crash, not of my own making. Upon examination I found a Headcrab had found it’s way into my lab. I was quite impressed with my ability to keep a level head and bravery as I knocked the creature out with only a few wild swings of a broom. As I was going to dispose of the little thing my scientist instincts kicked in and I knew what I must do right then. I would be the first person to neuter a headcrab! For the my sworn oath as a scientist of mankind I would ‘debeak’ this parasitoid, and make him as harmless as any household pet! And by George I went and did it.

Lamarr

That is the name of my new little counterpart, the debeaked headcrab I mentioned earlier. I have grown attached to her, even if she can no longer get attached to me (ho ho you see what I did there). Having the little ex-parasitoid around has made my days brighter, even though she may be a little scamp now and again, like trying to couple fruitlessly with my head (which feels like a relaxing head massage, I do swear that I’ve been having less migraines since Lamarr arrived) or hiding away in the vents. I was worried I would have nothing to feed her but my fears were allayed when she leapt onto a watermelon and began to devour it, what a delightful surprise that headcrabs are actually omnivores rather than  carnivores as we initially presumed. Well it wasn’t such a delightful surprise for Barney, the owner of said watermelon. Barney I must say has recently been a good sport about Lamarr, of course after the misunderstanding after he first arrived home to find her, and while I can tell he still dislikes Lamarr (he still nicknames her ‘head-humper’) he seems to have accepted her and has gone back to being himself around me. I like to joke we are a real little family now, but truly things seem to going well and things seem peaceful, for city 17. Hopefully it will remain like this for a little bit longer, at least until I can perfect my teleportation machine.

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