Worthington: Road To Klamath

A quick note about the temple of trials Worthington just completed. The trials are used as a tutorial to ease players into the gameplay, while providing enough experience to advance a level. In short an brief and easy introduction to the game, nothing to write home about. Worthington meanwhile was thwarted at every turn, frustrated to the point of pure rage, reborn countless times, fooled by simple traps, and outsmarted by killer giant radioactive ants. He also failed to gain a new level. This does not bode well as our hero Worthington now starts the real quest.


But Worthington did gain some sweet new threads! No more primitive loin cloths for Worthington, oh no only the best threads will do now. I mean check him out ladies!


These threads make him look like a true superhero. Captain 13! Wherever there is conflict, Captain 13 will be there with complimentary gift baskets and hot coca. Wherever there is a person in need, Captain 13 will be there to help in whatever way he can, as long as it doesn’t conflict with his personal beliefs, and if he’s got the time, or money. Captain 13 bringing peaceful solutions to your doorstep whether you like it or no- Aw geeze. Oh sweet monkey jebus, that’s just plain wrong.


Eww. Oh, oh lordy I can see it when I close my eyes! Bump mapping was never meant for this! Argh the front is even worse! Oh good Buddha don’t run! This new outfit does not leave anything to the imagination, every crevice is wrapped and amplified. I’ve seen it, now I can’t unsee it. Urgh come back loin cloths all is forgiven, you at least covered the delicates. All I can hope is that enemies are too disgusted to fight me in this abomination of clothing. New point of order; find new, less revealing, clothing as soon as possible.

Ugh after much eye washing I return to the task at hand, locating the GECK. I find out that the best place to start is to talk to a trader by the name of Vic, who resides in a turn of the name Klamath. Before I set off to Klamath I do some odd jobs to help build my experience, finding a lost dog and fixing the well. All in a days work for a man wearing a unitard. Before I know it I’ve completed the only nonviolent quests available, so I set off to Klamath.


It may look like a short journey but between here and there lie many hidden dangers, that greater men and women have fallen prey to. Every journey into the wastes is a deadly one, and never to be taken lightly. Round every rock could lie an ambush by many things, be it radioactive mutated wildlife or bloodthirsty raiders. Yes, everytime you wander the wastes you are gambling with your very life, you are playing dice with the devil. Monopoly with Death incarnate. Marbles with the horsemen. Scrabble with the-


Oh I made it. I mean, of course I made it. Such a trek is nothing for the mighty Worthington, bringer of peace. Now let’s head inside it’s cold and I can hear wolves.


I arrive in Klamath to the applause of a lone Brahmin, perhaps a fan of the unitard. Unlike the local kids that mock me (“You smell”) and run away from me (“Don’t eat me!”). What do parents teach their kids nowadays? Complete intolerance of other people? I mean I’m just a grown man trying to talk to some kids in a tightly fitting unitard, how is that wrong? But no time to despair our cultural mistrust in strangers now, I have to find Vic the trader’s house.


I do believe I have discovered it’s location. As you can see even though the kids screamed bloody murder when I arrived I seem to have attracted a little stalker following me. It’s kind of cute really. I enter Vic’s cabin to find it abandoned, not a soul to in sight. I begin searching for any clues I could find, when suddenly a door bursts open and a kid leaps out. “What’s your favourite colour?” he blurts and then runs outside giggling. OK that was odd, but it’s alright it’s just kids being kids I guess. I continue searching Vic’s place.

Now usually when playing this game I would be looting everything I could get my grubby little mitts on, but I can’t do that with Worthington. No he’s a puritanical hero, so stealing is a big no-no. I sigh each time I open a desk to find a haul of goodies I’m unable to touch. I find Vic’s radio and decide to take it in the hopes that it will somehow lead me Vic. It’s not stealing, I’m just borrowing it until I find Vic, and then I can hand it over in person. I find no clues to Vic’s whereabouts, so I leave to grill the locals on Vic’s current location.


The number of my little followers have increased, along with the rate of their questions. I should of called this post, Worthington: Takes care of the kids. It’s still kind of cute but I have things to attend to, first of all checking out the local bar for some info on the trader that is known as Vic.


As I get there I miniature bouncer blocks my way, asking the most unusual questions for a bouncer. Have I seen his invisible friend? Is that a trick question? If I say yes will he believe I’ve already had too much to drink and send me away. Then again if I say no maybe he will be offended and- oh, oh wait it’s just another one of those kids. Ha ha, yes very funny kid now I really must get inside. He does not yield and only asks more questions, he clearly has no intention of moving. This is going to take all of Worthington’s cunning. I pretend to turn and walk away, even whistling a tune nonchalantly. The kid faced with losing me runs to get infront. Aha! As I guessed he would do. I do a quick turn and dash inside the bar. Can’t outsmart me little one, not today. I punch the air a few times to celebrate my victory over the small child. Now what can I learn here?

Nothing apparently. No one seems to know anything. I head to the next place and once again gain no new knowledge about Vic the one that trades, but I do meet an intriguing shirtless fellow.


This is Sulik, he is what I would call a spiritualist and also a fellow tribesman. From him I learn of two new locations I can visit, and also he weaves me a tale of woe, through his poor broken grammar. He is searching for his sister who was captured by slavers, but due to a night of alcoholic rage he’s stuck in Klamath until he repays his debt. Now Worthington cannot sit back and let this poor man slave here while goodness knows what is happening to his sister, it’s time to take action. It’s time to ask nicely if he could be set free. Even with my high intellect and strangely high charisma I cannot seem to convince Maida Buckner, Sulik’s bigoted keeper, to let Sulik go free. It seems the only way is to repay Sulik’s debt. A debt of 350 bottle caps. Ah that may a bit of a problem, if you care to look to the left of the above screenshot you can see my current balance. I’m going to need to find 198 more bottle caps to free Sulik here.

I sell all I can, including the spear I was given at the start, but still come up woefully short of the 350 bottle caps required. I start inquiring into any tasks but everything I find seems to include me having to kill some, admittedly deadly but nonetheless innocent creatures. I’m going to have to come up with the money another way. I wander around town trying to find a solution, when I stumble across an abandoned hut full of dead animal corpses. Now I know I said I wouldn’t have Worthington steal but it’s obvious that the current occupants are either dead or long gone. Now it’s not stealing if it doesn’t belong to anyone, plus it’s for a good cause, to free Sulik. OK it seems like he’ll kill the people who took his sister, but it’s still a noble endeavour if my motives are pure. Right?


I just about manage to earn enough to buy Sulik’s freedom from the items I, um, scavenged. I immediately rush back and repay Sulik’s debt much to the dismay of his bigoted keeper. Sulik! As of now you are a free man! Now go forth and rescue your sister! Um . . Sulik?


Sulik you can move you know.


I don’t think he’s going to move. It seems all that noble talk of saving his sister comes second to standing in the corner of a bar staring at the wall. . .

Right you know what? I’ve had enough of Klamath. This whole trip has been a complete bust, I’ve found no clues to Vic’s whereabouts and I am now completely bankrupt. I’m going to move on to the next destination, maybe the Den has more use of a peaceful Buddhist superhero than Klamath does. Tune in next time for more Worthington actionless adventures.


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February 2009
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